why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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