Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my liver is dry heaving
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
