Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
