I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I love having hate sex.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's rum buckets o'clock
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
