i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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