When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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