So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
