The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This house was built for laser tag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
