So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
