she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
