Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
