our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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