I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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