Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
