Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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