she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
