My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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