So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
