I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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