he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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