You smell like stripper and shame
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
