What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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