I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
