Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
