I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
