I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
