Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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