he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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