I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
