why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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