You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
