wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
