"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
