I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
