You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
