Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
