How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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