I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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