Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
