Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
