Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
