WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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