my mouth tastes like poor choices
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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