Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
