He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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