Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
