I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
