apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
