dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
