I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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