tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
