omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
