nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
