doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
