there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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