dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
