Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
