omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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