dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
