Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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