Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
