If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
