Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
