gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
