buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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